Lolo Jones and Freddie Jones play broadcasters day one of Ballers 2 Callers….I’m Ron Burgandy?

I promised reports on all the broadcastering antics from this week… here goes. Since this is not only a broadcasting class for retired athletes but also a docu-ality or whatever you want to call it, we’ve been broken into teams and have set about competing for imaginary points and prizes in a variety of broadcasting challenges including teleprompter readings, radio shows, etc. Instantly, I felt sorry my team, because as I looked around the room I realized, not only, was I the only white person in the room but also most likely the only person who didn’t follow ball sports…Or puck sports, fist sports or any traditional sports. Oh dear, my team might be doomed…at least they like me enough to have dubbed me snowflake, which is cute and all but the more time I spend around them wide eyed and wondering about sports most people know about, the more I feel like a genuine white flakey floaty substance… any rate, I’m learning, having fun and making friends…So here are a few things I have learned in my first week of pretending to be a broadcaster on reality TV….

  1. How to stroll. One of my amazing team mates, Reggie “hayday” Hayward, who happens to be a 6’5 two hundred and something pound defensive blah diddy da da for the Jacksonville Jaguars schooled me day one on the art of walking. Now I have always prided myself on my ability to hustle and approach walking as an end to a means, if I am walking to a restaurant what’s the point in taking your time. The stroll, however, is a slow paced walk complete with hands in pockets and a confident air that says “we ain’t in no hurry” which, of course, is in direct conflict with my arm swinging, white woman power walk. I have yet to perfect the stroll but am learning that if I want to walk anywhere with my team it will be done slowly and consciously with or without me.
  2. Reading the teleprompter is more difficult than it looks and than it should be. Seriously, you’re just reading words off a screen….big bold words you’ve known your whole adult life and that’s about it. But for some reason everyone sucked at this, even the guys with their sparkling earring who’ve done it before sucked pretty bad. So let’s all be nice to our local newscasters, they are not as dumb as they appear, or at least they’ve had some practice reading words that scroll on camera.
  3. I am the only person on the planet who does not understand football. Now, keep in mind that I am in deep with a pretty football-centric crew this week, so this fact may not be entirely true but it certainly feels that way. Fortunately, I have all the right people to ask about the ins and outs of this American tradition, but for some reason these facts continue to escape my mind. I don’t know what it is about this game but for as many times as I have had the game explained to me I cannot retain any details. And to make matters worse, my team, complete with two active NFL players, won tickets to the BCS game last night. Excited? Yes, this would be my second ever football game, and apparently, it’s kind of a big deal and people were all fired up about it. My teammates, on the other hand, were ro sham bowing over who had to sit next to me and explain “football for idiots” as I bombarded them with ADD-esque questions like, why does Alabama have an Elephant for a mascot? Why do they think an Elephant represents the University of Alabama? Does the Elephant have a name? And how come nobody brought foam fingers? I’ve always been one to get lost on other unimportant details, like team outfits, male cheerleaders and the fanatical fans. Can you blame me? The whistle blows ever five seconds and there were so many crazys out last night, tons of drunk people stumbling around carrying roles of toilet paper and tide boxes tapped together as banners with elephants on their heads and pride in their hearts. Anyway, by the end of it my Reggie looked me in the eye with true heartfelt wonder and asked “Exactly what country did you grow up in?” I’m trying people….

Here are a few more snaps from last nights game fans and all….Team One…Reggie Hayward, George Foster, Me, Dr. J and Monica Cabbler celebrating my new found love of foam fingers and Nachos!I think we were in Texas territory……old man texas territory.

Football fans are really into it, I swear we were the only people not dressed in orange or red….er I mean crimson. Roll tide roll….it’s all coming together now.Wishing I had more occasion for confetti in my life……

4 thoughts on “Broadcastering….

  1. Hey!
    LOVE it, just can’t even stop laughing……….. you are so funny! I can’t wait to hear more stories!!!!

    ps you’re not alone on the football thing, I am positive that even as hard as I try, I will NEVER EVER EVER be able to follow it…. I mean, other than knowing how hot Tom Brady is.

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