I realize it’s been well over a week since X-games officially ended but it has taken me precisely that much time to recover from the over stimulation of such X-treme proportions. Aaaah..X-games 14, another year of in your face swirly twirly X-y graphics, uber slow Mega Mo action replays and all the other sickly awesome made for TV crap. And that’s just the televised portion of the event, if you dare step foot on X soil, you’re subjected to no less than 15 credential checks just to get from the parking lot to the top of the pipe. I mean yeah for security and post 911 code orange and all that shit but in all honesty the X-treme guards would check your credentials in places you needed snowmobiles and secret handshakes to get into. Top all of that off with a weeks worth of 5am Target Chalet dance parties and running into every friend you have ever met in the action sports arena and your head might just X-plode. Anyway, you get the picture and most likely you saw the pictures of another year of mind melting shred progression and contest drama from the comforts of your own homes in HD awesomeness. As easy as it is to bash on the X-treme-orama-ness of the whole event, it truly does bring out some of the best riding of the year and is a great warm up for our Olympic bound monkeys. So Hooray for X-games and dance parties and the caffeine infused products that helped keep us all together…Skier Slope Silver Medalist, Grete Eliassen, Grinding with the Stars…..
I forgot to mention the celebs…there are always a few random celebrities that grace X-games with their greatness…generally it’s a slew of reality show stars on programs you’re kinda sad to admit you’ve actually seen, the bachelor and bachelorette etc. This year was no exception, a slew of boy band looking samba kings from Dancing with the Stars came complete with a massive body guard to support our favorite Tiny Dancer and hand out some awards. It’s kinda weird having a dance party with people who legitimately know how to dance, actually it’s more pathetic than anything else. Everyone’s kinda jumping around assing off, alternating between air guitar solos and some worn out 80’s dance moves and then there are five dudes shaking their hips in ways you didn’t know were possible and preforming a synchronized Latin dance routine complete with a finishing move. Don’t get me wrong, they were really, really good and we were really, really bad but it’s just different….and put side by side both seem a tad bit ridiculous. I mean I tried to get one of them to dance as badly as I do and it was physically impossible for him. But whatever, I mean, dancing is just another form of expression, mine just happens to say “spazzy freakshow” and his says “smmooth seducer” or something sexy like that.
In other celebrity news….mr. 50 cent was there and all the wanna be gangsta ski and snowboarders were crapping their over-sized drawers in anticipation. After meeting him for a second, I kinda got it, there is something magnetic about him and his energy, not to mention the fact that my yoga teacher plays that “i don’t give a f*ck cause it’s my birthday” song in our yoga class so I feel some sort of spiritual connection with him. Namaste 50.
So enough about credentials and parties and all that, on to the snowboarding which by now you’ve all seen and might have even forgotten. Allow me to remind you, Flying Tomato whacks his head practicing a double mctwist 1260, gets up shakes of a minor teeth rattle and lands it perfectly. Wins again, Victory Lap. Woo Hoo. The rest of the boys were hopefully just tired and more focused on Vancouver. Women take it to the next level, now I realize this has been said every week since the dawn of time but Kelly and Gretchen were going for it and putting on an impressive show of one-up-manship(if that’s a word) tit for tat or whatever. Kelly’s 9’s were gigantic and Gretchen proved that women can do winning runs without straight airs.
Let’s not forget Ellery Hollingsworth’s perfectly stomped cab 10 in practice. Talk about progression. Yup that about sums it up…..but here’s your spoiler alert. Kelly landed some front 10’s just in time for the Olympics and Gretchen is working on them as we speak.
The last night at the Target house an AC/DC cover band played all your favorite hits from Angus and the boys, which was pretty awesome despite the fact that this cover band did absolutely nothing to look or act like the band. When I see a tribute band I want them to look or at least try to look like the band they are paying homage too. BC/DC, not so much, these guys had long hair and bald spots and the guitar player was playing in a cow suit complete with plastic utters that Oakley’s new TM, Joe Prebich, was milking in-between guitar licks. I guess a guitar playing cow who can do mean leg kicks and rockstar jumps while soloing is pretty sweet and I do love me a good mascot.